Oh. Hi!

Yes.  It's been nearly a month since I updated.  I nearly deleted this blog about 20 times in the past month.  "Who cares?"  "Why bother?"  "There's always FaceBook."  "I don't matter, anyway."  "Nobody gives a shit."

Those are all things that I have thought in the past two months.  Of course, I know that most are not true.  I just got into a horrible place in my mind.  I could get through a work day if I allowed myself a couple of breaks to escape to the restroom and cry for a minute, but I was NOT my normal self.  I was NOT the positive one that I've always been.

I was embarrassed that I had beaten cancer and wasn't dancing a jig 24/7.  How do you tell someone that you're one of the luckiest people on earth and you're down in the dumps?  I just backed off and didn't tell anyone anything.  Other than Kevin.  Poor Kevin.

My oncologist made a medication adjustment, and I felt a difference 2 days later.  Within a week, I was laughing with my family.  I'm still not what I was, and I'll never be the same, but I feel like I can live.  I feel like I can be happy.  I feel like I'm in control again.

I had a follow-up with the oncologist today, and she's set me free for 3 months.  At that time, if all is still good, I'll only have to go back every 6 months.  WooHoo!

Next week is my pre-op appointment, and the following week is my exchange surgery.  Moving on.  I'm moving on.  Let's get this party started!

Oh yeah.  I forgot to mention:  My hair is curly and out of control.  And I'm OK with that.  :)

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